Judas' Kiss
by runtus maximus
Summary: A collection of Death Note drabbles. [L greeted death the same way he faced life: shrewdly and with as little fuss as possible.]
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or anything affiliated with it.

Raito was disappointed, to be honest. Considering the pains he had gone through to ensure this would happen, he thought he at least earned some entertainment. After all the times Raito had smiled when he wanted to scream and rage, sat in silence when the detective was so tantalizingly unprotected, quietly endured the constant questioning and pretenses of friendship when he could practically _feel _L's rapid dying pulse underneath his fingers, the detective's slow topple to the floor was anticlimatic.

L deserved to _bleed_, to scream and writhe and shriek with pain, pain that Raito had the power to end but he wouldn't, oh he _wouldn't_-

Really, Raito considered as he looked into L's dying eyes, it was a shame.


	2. Chapter 2

While most people were startled to see the sheer amount of sweets L could pack away in the space of twenty-four hours, only the very persistent or very stupid attempted to get him to eat healthier- or at least cut it down to three cakes a day instead of five.

Matsuda was one of those people.

"Ryuuzaki," he pleaded one day, "will you please try to eat better? So much sugar must be horrible for you."

L simply stared at the computer, face sallow in the harsh light, and absentmindedly took another bite of his pastry.

"…Ryuuzaki?"

"No," he murmured, brow creasing slightly at the sight of something on the screen. "It's highly unlikely that I'll die from too much sugar. The probability of an attack from Kira is much higher."

Matsuda sighed.

The next day he furtively replaced L's pocky with a box of sushi he had brought from home and spent the rest of the day feeling very self-satisfied. Until lunchtime rolled around, that is, and he looked over at L to see him munching on a box of Botan he pulled from his pocket.

"Ryuuzaki! What about that sushi I gave you?" Matsuda asked, unable to keep a note of entreaty from his voice.

"I figured you would do something of the sort," L mumbled. "And I always bring reinforcements in case of a similar situation."

"But- but- I bought it for you! Did you just throw it away?"

L ignored him, so eventually Matsuda gave up and stalked off.

It was time for Plan C. (Not that there had been any specific strategies before, but if L wanted to play dirty, then Matsuda would play dirty.)

"You know," he said loudly a few days later. "I was taking a walk the other day and I heard this little girl scream, 'Look at that fat man outside that store!' Her mother yelled at her, but I completely agreed with the kid, 'cause believe me, the poor guy was fat. I noticed he was buying all this sugar, and I bet that was the reason!"

"Reason for what?" L asked distractedly.

"The reason for his fatness!" Matsuda said forcefully. "And you'll turn out like that, too, if you don't watch what you eat now." He sat back, content that he had made his point. After all, scrawny people like L had no desire to be anything but skinny.

But L just nodded. "I'm sure that's why the man was so large. But, as I said, the chances of my dying from too much sugar are slim, and dying of obesity is included in that category."

Matsuda's eyebrow twitched.

During the next week, he used various methods to make that stupid detective stop eating all those sweets, ranging from pasting pictures of overweight men in swimsuits to L's computer to trying to con Raito into seducing the detective. (Matsuda was the first to admit that was not a good idea, but he was down to his last resorts. Though Raito didn't have to hit him that hard.)

Not one of them seemed to be working.

However, one day he walked in on L nibbling at some sushi- and, upon closer inspection, _it was the package he had brought from home_. Matsuda nearly cried with joy.

L merely raised his eyebrows. "Sometimes I do eat something other than candy," he said. As if this were some insignificant occurrence!

Now all that was left was some actual exposure to sunlight.

Botan Rice Candy: A lemon-flavored, chewy candy covered with rice paper found in Japan.

...Yes, I realize this was completely pointless. ;;;


End file.
